I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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