My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
