you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Pants are for mortals
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
