I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
