My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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