I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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