Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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