Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
