Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
