dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
