U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
And then my night got REAL pukey
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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