I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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