matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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