i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Two words: nipple clamps
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