Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
