Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
