he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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