did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Semen is not good for contacts.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
