How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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