I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
