R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
