If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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