He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
