So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
