whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize