So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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