Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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