i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
