Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My ass is underappreciated
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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