I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
