She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
