Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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