Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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