and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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