Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
