is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
