I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
