I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
