This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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