This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize