I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
