i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
