can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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