Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
