2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
we're so committed to being not committed
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
