Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
