Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
