I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
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