Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
