pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
