Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
