She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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