i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
