I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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