i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
