Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Drunk is a universal language darling
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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