Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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