i just had sex bonerless
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
