then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
