it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
