Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
