i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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