nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
