What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
