My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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