I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
