i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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