she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
